In the garden, we have a variety of highly aggressive, imperialistic vines that compete for space.

In one hotly-contested piece of real estate, have creeping fig (Ficus pumila), pink jasmine (Jasminium polyanthum), asparagus fern (I think we have both Asparagus setaceus and Asparagus aethiopicus), fo ti (Fallopia multiflora), and red trumpet vine (Campsis radicans). The soil there is just a solid mat of roots and runners.

I propose a very very slow reality TV series. We get a big pentagon of fertile soil, light it evenly from all sides, water it gently on a regular basis, and plant one of of these vines in each corner. After a few years, we’ll see which is the victorious species!